I blogging worth the effort for most? probably not

I started this blog last year, while going through the incredibly difficult first deployment of my  son, coupled with ongoing issues arising after I was nearly killed by a drunk driver. He was only 13, so when people say why do you put up with his crap, documented in previous writings, I say, imagine you are 13. You have an older brother who is autistic. Your dad left when you were 3, despite loving you very much. He was a nam vet suffering terribly from ptsd who gave up, and after almost 16 yrs with him, I could not commit my kids to living the way I had for all those years. They were young. Fourtunately i met a great guy, who made a wonderful step dad, especialy for lucas. So life went along pretty well from the time he was 3 until he was 13 and on July 4 2003 his biological dad died of his lifelong addictions from ptsd, and the effects on his body of agent orange. Despite his problems he was a sweet , loving man who never abused us physicaly and never deliberately abused us emotionally but sadly sometimes you do it without meaning to. Despite our divorce in 1993 and my remarriage two years later, I still cared deeply for him and we remained on good terms. He walked away from the sons he adored and stayed away, only seeing them twice after we split. That was his decision, he said because he was a bad infuence on them and they were better off without him. He was wrong of course, and I tried to convince him till he was too ill to even consider traveling. Yes we did go to see him twice. I would like to believe that he made that decision with that in mind, his sons welfare, despite it being wrong. But I knew him way too well for too long. He wouldnt pass up a chance to punish himself for what ever he thought he did wrong in life, and cutting off from his boys was a good way to hurt himself. So he did it. And i am sure he convinced himself he was doing it for them and even came to believe it, but he was doing it as he did most everything, out of self destructiveness.
So, now I am going to close this blog with this, to catch up with Lucas he came home safe , left Afghanistan on my birthday in 2010. And he has continued to be cruel to me, and ignore his family and friends. Yet when we did spend a few days together here and there, it was like we were how we used to be, and I have come to realize that he is so much like his dad. We would be fine if we talked, if he would communicate with us. But he wont. At least not usually. and now he is screwing up his life by running headlong into a relationship again with a girl who is a cookie cutter of the others, except I see maybe a bit of a spark of something different in this one, it may work after all. But he is 21 and she is only 19, so I doubt it.
It is his decision. I have learned to expect nothing from him, and so the bits I get are pleasant surprises. And I continue to love him, and support him, and do what I can for him and all of our troops, which isnt much. As to blogging, I think its a matter of advertising yourself, and thats something im not good at or fond of. When the time comes I will do it with our business but not my personal life. Since there is apparently no interest in the Airborne Army mothers getting together at least here, I cant see wasting my time. I think there are too many posts on here, and sadly I see its a lot of fluff or stark tragedy that gets a following. Good luck to all out there, and I will have a go at this again one day, but on a different subject. If all its going to be is a diary that only I read, then so be it and it will be about my life and where I am and where I go. Bye all.

should u shut up or speak out to a deployed kid?need advice

I have been advised by some people who should know that while your child is deployed or even on home base away from home you should keep your conversations peachy cream and never tell them anything that would upset them or put stress on them . Which of course means u have to lie sometimes, but if it benefits ur kid so what right? For the most part I agree but something happend yesterday that i simply could not ignore so I spoke out. now of course my son Lucas hasnt answered my msg and ignored my im request today. I am sure I dont have to tell you how painful that is.
I have been a good girl and followed advice to shut up sometimes even against my own judgement.
Last yr when my son was home on leave he had problems adjusting and I was furious at the way some of the people he knew in high school screwed with his head. Old girlfriend who broke up with him after visiting him on his home base. I understood that perfectly. I think 19 is too young to make a serious commitment and when u add that to facing deployment at any time it is just a big mistake. My son agreed at the time but of course the break up was hard on him. I used to like this girl until I learned what a player she is. During his brief leave there were many problems, unfortunately i had temporary custody of a really screwed up 14 yr old nephew. He was only with us briefly but long enough to just coincide with lucas leave. That was a disaster as this kid just wants to fight, tried to hit on one of lucs college age friends, { yea a girl} and generally being a jerk. but his constant pushing Luc to fight annoyed the hell out of us all. This kid thinks cuz he is really big he can take anyone. Yea, airborne army. I was in my bedroom one day and heard a big thump in the living room. Came out to see luc down on one knee with the idiot in a lock with one arm and luc smoking a cig in his other hand calmy keeping him down. He looked up at me and said"dont worry mom i wont kill him" my response was its about f time. The kid got a bit red in the face and started crying so luc let him up. This kid hits girls and beats his mom. When he came up against an army man he wimped out quick , little coward. BTW shortly after Luc left the kid decided to run away and threatened me, he quickly found out I wasnt his mom . he left and then tried to get back in cuz it was so cold out but found the doors locked. eventually the state police came and took him to alcoholic messed up moms workplace. Made it quite clear he wasnt welcome back.
I digress, sorry but rather imortant part of this story I thought.
The problem that really upset me was the ex wouldnt leave him alone. She has had a new boyfriend since about six minutes after she broke up with luc. She texted him constantly, insisted he sleep over at her place on the couch, and then one evening we were out to dinner she texts him that it is drasticly important that she come down 68 miles to where we live and pick him up to go back where we used to live to have time to talk "alone" So pushy she met us in the place we were eating in the middle of dinner then guess what shows up with her GIRLFRIEND. The girl sat on her lap and they texted people and ate food off lucs plate while we finished.  Sadly I got so pissed I think it showed but Im only human.
So off he went. While staying with a male friend for the rest of his leave he drank a  lot, and spent the night with possibly the most disturbed young woman in town. This girl has an abusive boyfriend she never broke up with, So while he is deployed she keeps emailing and msging him on fb about how her "ex" is threatning , stalking, harrasing her. Yea, he did go to jail a few yrs ago for beating her, but she went right back.
I kept my mouth shut the whole time, just positive things, no mention of it. He did mention it to me
The other day on fb I see a rant from my son posted about how this chick is screwing with him, and the guy is her boyfriend, he wants to break his face etc. it was a long one.
I broke, I couldnt take it. I wrote him a short but emphatic msg telling him that i love him, and i dont want to interfere in his life but he cannot be in a fob in the stan while having this high school shit on his mind, i told him forget it all, its just cluttering up your head while u r at war. I told him stay focused, aware and safe cuz not only his life but his fellow troops life depends on it. I also reminded him how often his nam vet dad told us all how dangerous short time is. He is due to return to home base before end of oct. my two sons are named after their dads best friend who died making a careless mistake on short time.
was i wrong? what would u do? would love some impact. he wont talk to me now but thats fine. he will get over it. i would just as soon he didnt think about me too much either, told him i would never bring it up again.

taxing our troops PLEASE read

It is astounding to me that I recently found out that some of our states actually choose to tax the pay of our troops while they are deployed in war. How dare they. I am furious, and I am going to make sure any and all of my government people here in NY hear from me. While I am certainly aware that Albany is probably the most corrupt state government there is in the country, how dare any state tax these troops. It is vile and disgusting. I would rather pay more tax on whatever the hell is neccessary than see this happen and I dont care if its a small amount . Its a disgrace and I hope, I ask you to please find out if your state is taxing your soldiers combat pay and loudly object. I realize this state is almost bankrupt, but the money should come out of the salaries of our fat cat over paid idiots in albany, certainly not on the backs of our troops. Along with that I found out that because my boy is stationed in Italy, in order to come home on leave during the holiday season it is going to cost him around 2000 euros, like 4000 dollars. What ever happened to free or at least reasonable travel costs for our soldiers? More later.

This is a picture about a year ago of my very handsome youngest son Lucas, army airborne currently a cook with his unit in the stan. Here he is in the incredible beautiful town in Italy that he lucked out and got posted to. I figured since this is a blog about my life as an army mom, I should let people know about my soldier. Lucas dad was a nam vet I was married to for 14 yrs, until his ptsd caused drinking, smoking and refusing to work , as well as my oldest son Tom, who is autistic, brining home just say no pamphlets from school at 5 forced me to end our marriage. We split in Nov. but I let him stay with us till Feb the next year cause he really didnt have any place to go, despite his large families beating thier chests about how wonderfull they always were to him. Actually he , the youngest and only boy of five kids, took care of his ill mom and she lived with him till she died. As all the sisters married, had kids, and divorced my kids dad stayed a bachelor and took care of mom, and from what he told me frequently paid big sis bills too. At first when he came back from nam he coped enough to have a good job, and friends , girlfriends, and although he drank a bit it was under control. He was also a chain smoker. When we met he was 35 and I was 23 and we were friends for a year until suddenly something really serious happened to me, and we grew closer. We married in 1980 and after four misscarriages, and several yrs of nothing, when I was 31 I finaly had our wonderful brilliant boy Thomas. Almost three yrs later, we decided to give it a try again, after all you never know, and on the first try I was pregnant with my baby, Lucas. He was bory when I was 33. I then went to school to finish my RN. Which I did.
Both of my boys were incredible kids, of course there were ups and downs, but they were and are the center of my life.
I only ever asked one thing of my boys, please dont become firefighters, and please dont go into the military. Their dad was treated like shit when he got home, got no help from the army, and he only got disability for ptsd in 1994, because I did the 28 page form for him. Then when he went to the va in Albany NY he found he had serious organ damage due to exposure to agent orange, which he used to tell me about . Stories of going to sleep in the jungle, and waking up to a defoliated  forest like NY forests in the winter. Then yrs of denial of any harm to anyone. By the time he got any help it was too late. He died of the effets of alcoholisim, smoking and agent orange exposure in 2003. This, and not lack of  support for our troops was my great fear for them getting into it. But even though he really barely knew his youngest son, cuz when he left he left and didnt look around, of course that was when one of the sisses decided that since he was nearly terminal must be time they had to take him in. But all Lucs life he would say when he was about 4 "mommy i wanna be a solder, a solder mom." As he got older I didnt hear much about it, but my happy cheerful boy became a sullen and withdrawn teenager. Of course some was hormones. When he was 15 he asked to work out with the army recruiters to get into shape, along with the future soldiers program but not "in " it. ha. I may have been in a bit of denial but was no dummy. After about 3 months of depression that I had him see a counselor for, when he was 17 he looked at me one day, and said, mom I want to go in the army, its all I ever wanted. " Despite the chill down my spine I calmly told him of course I knew it all along, which I honestly did. I met his recruiters and followed things very closely during the 10months he was in the future soldiers program. I allowed him to early enlist at 17 because it was quite obvious he was set on it. He also earned 1000 a month durimg those last high school months payable after graduation from boot camp. I became a bit of a den mother at the recruiting station, and all lucs friends from hs who were going into the service used our house as a second home. I became very close to two of them , who helped us out a lot during a very difficult time . They actually went to school with Lucas for a month to get him over his anxiety in physics.He graduated and left for basic two weeks later.
Enough for tonite , gotta do some work on the family business. Tomorrow, the story of how I barely made it through the first year.
love to you all and support our troops, please
army mom

Wellcome to my blog

Hi. I am amazed to find myself here, since I always swore blogging was one thing I wouldn't do, who would be interested in my life? I'm just an average person. But I have learned that there really are few if any "average" people, and my life sure hasn't been.
As you can see from my title, I am the mom of an Army soldier. I decided to create this cause I spent months trying to find a serious on line place for families other than spouses or children of military troops, especially Army, to share their thoughts , fears, ideas, coping mechanisms and stories. Also to offer support to each other. Spouses and kids of enlisted people are more than wellcome, everyone is. But I didn't start this to foster political arguments. No problem with agreeing to disagree like adults and talk about our feelings/frustrations. My blog is here so my experiences can be shared and I really hope others will join in. I became incredibly frustrated looking for help. Everywhere I turned I was told " these services are for spouses or children of service people only". Well guess what, I would say a huge portion of the soldiers enlisting are doing it the way my boy did, before or right after high school. And most of them are not married with kids. I am not being sarcastic or rude here, just so you know, I also have a niece who is married to a very young man in the Army. I love him too and care deeply about them and their two kids. But I got to see firsthand how much support the Army extends to spouses and children. I think its awesome! But what about a 17 yr old who early enlists and is not looking to get married or have kids till he is much, much older. My son also became very frustrated and angry when he tried to get some help for me with serious medical problems and a loan to save our family home, and the army pretty much said sorry kid, shes just your mom. I  was a nurse on my way to work one night when a drunken idiot with no insurance t boned me at high speed, severely injuring me. That moment ended my professional life, our financial health, since I was 2/3 of our income, and almost ended my life. Things are way better now, and in retrospect it may have been a good thing in disguise. But my health has deteriorated including rheumatoid arthritis. That brings me to my second reason for this blog. I promised my son to keep a journal and wanted to anyway to keep a history of this most difficult time in my life. I cant write more than about five sentences, but obviously typing is easier.
I wellcome anyone, from any walk of life, who wants to post. Only absolute  requirement here is civility. If u come to be hurtful to others or criticize military families go to another blog. This is here to try and help.
As a first step let me say, right after I learned of  my sons deployment, I thought I was going to die. I was so lost and terrified. No one understood. In desperation I called the local Veterans affairs office in Bath NY and was directed to a veterans counselor. At that point I was almost hysterical in panic and fear, I was crying. He could barely understand me. This wonderful man calmed me down, and when I apologized for taking his time since I know he was a vets counselor , he told me he was there for families also and nothing right then was more important than what was happening to me and my soldier. over the course of more than a year, this man has been my lifeline. My son deployed to the stan last year, and on top of that for  a year before that he was posted in Italy, wonderful for him but not so great for mom. Thank God for magic jack. When he left to go in country the VA counselor was always there for me, when I called or he would call me right back. His patience is legendary. Although I'm not a group person, he convinced my son and I to attend a group meeting . He happened to be speaking, so after more than a year I met the unsung hero who saved my life. Now my son and I go to two monthly meetings for support, and it has been wonderfully useful
There is so much more I could say, but will save some for next post.
All people with a loved one or friend in any military service ,  including the Coast Guard who I tried to join despite my asthma, anyone who needs to talk about any related issue is welcome. But mainly I want to hear from other army parents, siblings, I'm here and I have learned the answers to some questions.
I was also helped a great deal by the local American Legion , and red cross . As a result I will be volunteering with the red cross at least one day a week.
you are all welcome, just treat everyone as u would wish to be treated.Next entry will tell you more about my family, esp my soldier.
Hooah to you all, and lets stay strong, and help each other stay strong.
Army mom